I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
