i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
