I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drinking out of a sandbucket again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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