did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
