I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
