We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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