Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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