I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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