how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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