dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
