I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have demons in me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
