Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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