Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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