Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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