Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
3pm strippers are depressing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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