so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
