'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
