A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
