Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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