i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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