I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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