She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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