dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
