I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
