last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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