my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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