My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
