You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
