i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize