i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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