i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
