everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
