oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
