If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
