margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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