So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
