wat bout pragnant strippers??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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