it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
