You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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