is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
