loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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