I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
