we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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