we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
