He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
