Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
