Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize