the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I queefed so loud it echoed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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