Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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