she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
