There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
