I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
