So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
