ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
