You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
