SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
