Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
