I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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