If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Randomize
