i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
