he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize