Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
