Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
