the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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