maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize