I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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