Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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