Non-Jews are for practice
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
