So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
