I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
