i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize