we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
