1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize