Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
there is glitter all over my balls
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