Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
