I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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