I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
