she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
did you just send me my own nude
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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