He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
