I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
