He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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