That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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