I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
