i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
