The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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