My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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