It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
