I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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