Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
