Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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