I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
