alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
