Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
