you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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