Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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