i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
