I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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