my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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