Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize