I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
